It's What I Want
by Frank West
Summary: Jason, desperately seeking a job, finds an opportunity at Crazy Taxi.  Things aren't exactly what they seem, and Jason has to figure out what he wants for himself.  Rated T for some strong language and sexual undertones.


Five days have passed, consisting of little more than browsing newspaper classifieds, Internet job listings, and adding up to all-around complete failure. It isn't a pretty story, but it isn't an uncommon one either; unemployment is at an all time low since The Great Depression. San Francisco might not be the place to look for a job right now, either, but at this point I don't have very many options.

"Today is going to be the day." My attempts at reassurance had a dying tone the longer I waited, desperately looking only to get by on minimal wage. I walked outside to my neighbors' mailbox, having my paper's subscription cut off a week ago. Quickly searching for any potential option, while feeling ashamed of myself all in one, a moment of hope hit me square in the face. The classified read:

"Now hiring for Crazy Taxi cab services! Drivers license and background check required." I felt the first feeling of relief since I don't know how long. It was still early, so I put the paper back and started up my car. Shouldn't be a long drive, that is, if the Golden Gate isn't held up. My gas was running low, and my stomach fluttered with anxiety and butterflies – if there is such a difference. First impressions have never been a specialty of mine, so I hoped I would get lucky today.

I arrived in the lot, which was made up of a small office and a garage. The siding was rusted, but I wasn't going to make any passing judgments today – a job is a job. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the front door and calmly opened it. Inside were five people, drinking coffee, and presumably getting ready for the day. Everyone looked my way, not expecting any visitors before their runs.

"Hi, I'm Jason," I spoke out. "I read there was a job opening here for a driver." The man in charge made himself known as he walked towards me.

"Hey hey, hey! Lookin' to make a little money are we?" He spoke so enthusiastically, as if he wanted to sell me something. "Why don't you go out for a spin and see what you're made of?"

He tossed me the keys.

"You're not going to even interview me?" Some of the drivers laughed, looking at each other.

"You have three crazy minutes!" The boss yelled.

I stood in place, stunned.

"Well what are you waiting for? Here we go!"

* * *

I couldn't comprehend what was happening. Dashing to the garage I tried to make sense of all of this. Three minutes? Am I even at the right place? Whatever the case, this was no time to rationalize. I'll pick up a passenger, drive back, and run with it from there.

Rush hour just started, and many people stood aside the busy streets. Within seconds an older woman waved me down, screaming for a taxi. I pulled next to the sidewalk to get as close as I could to her.

She ran towards the cab, angrily shouting, "Can't you get any closer!"

"Where to?" I asked, as she shut the door.

"Take me to the Pizza Hut!"

Easy. I must have driven this route dozens of times in my life. Things were looking up after all. The meter started, and I took a right on Vine St. It wasn't long before I realized my passenger was looking a bit uneasy—

"Could you drive any slower?" sarcastically glaring in my direction.

I didn't know what to make of it. I was driving the speed limit, doing the best I could.

"Let's see what the kids are listening to these days," I intervened. She looked even more appalled as I turned the radio on.

"Ya ya ya ya ya!" it blared. It was some punk song. I felt anxious as I could detect my approval from this woman rapidly deplete, but saw hope that I was only a minute or two away from the destination. Then to my surprise, something completely insane just happened.

She jumped.

What the hell just happened? I can't believe that this woman just leaped out from my cab! So many different ideas were swimming through my mind right now. Am I dreaming? This is so unreal. I didn't know whether to call the cops, pinch myself, or just pull over to the side of the road and cry.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, remembering that three minutes have passed. There is nothing left for me now other than to go back to the garage and own up to another great disappointment.

* * *

I opened the office door slowly, knowing very well that this job was going to be turned down on me. Everyone was sitting just as they were before, this time with devilish smiles, radiating low expectations.

"Alright let's see how you did today," the boss held out his hand, expecting me to give him what I earned. "Let's have a look!"

I starred back blankly, "You won't believe this, but my passenger bailed on me today. I don't have anything for you."

"A class E license!"

Everyone's smile grew bigger, and I knew I was a joke to them. I wanted to walk away, but I felt like I had nowhere to go. There was nowhere I belonged in this city, and maybe even anywhere in this world. I just wanted to die.

"You really sucked out there, man!" the green haired prick said to me. His dumbass grin spanned across his whole face, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and baggy brown shorts.

"Look," the boss spoke out, "Come back tomorrow, and if no one else answers to us, I'll give you another shot. I know this isn't easy."

As embarrassed as I was, I nodded my head, knowing I had no other choice.

Before I left, everyone introduced themselves to me. Most of the employees were young, and seemed very proud of their position. The first one I met was BD Joe, who was a very happy and upbeat guy, wearing dark tinted shades. Gus was really laid back, wearing long kaki pants and an open Hawaiian shirt. Then there was Gina—she was beautiful. Gina was simple, with long red hair and a small tank top with skin-tight jeans. We all got off well, with exception to the green haired punk didn't bother to shake my hand.

As I walked out the door, I starred out into the streets. There were cable cars filled with busy people—people on their phones, walking their dogs, holding hands; I'd give so much to have any of these things. That is the problem though; I have next to nothing to give. The only thing on my name is a house close to being foreclosed, and this one chance at redemption.

I shut the door to my car, and as I turned the keys, the engine grinded violently.

"Perfect," I punched the wheel in angst, "Out of gas again."

I heard a knock on my window. It was Gina—

"It looks like you need some help, why don't you ride home with me?"

* * *

I felt lucky to be sitting in Gina's car. Maybe the 'hopeless bum' isn't necessarily a turn on for most women, but I haven't done so much as hang out with a girl since high school. Her company was nice, at least. The lights on her stereo lit up as she pulled out of the lot, and her hair blew in the wind as we picked up speed. Appropriately, her license plate said "5EXY515," and dice were dangling on her mirror.

"So," she started, "You're going to have to do a little better if you want to stay tomorrow."

"I know. I didn't realize being a cab driver would be so difficult."

Gina looked at me with a look of astonishment, "You aren't familiar with Crazy Taxi, are you?"

"To be honest, I first saw the name today."

"We aren't like other cab companies. Do you remember what the fare started out as?"

I tried to look back and remember what it said, "It was something ridiculous I think. One thousand dollars maybe?"

"Yeah, and it only goes down from there. I know it might be completely unorthodox to you, but the fare only goes down from there. People that ride in our taxis want to get somewhere as fast as possible, and we do it for them."

I must be dreaming now. The past two hours I have been awake have already been branded the worst day of my life, and now I'm sitting in a car with a gorgeous girl, who is telling me that I have to unlawfully drive like a complete maniac to make it through the workday.

We pulled into her garage; the walls were lined with punk rock posters and images of luxury cars. I walked inside to a modest house, overly cluttered while still very inviting.

"I can't thank you enough," I said, softly. "Why did you do this for me?"

"I was in your place once—jobless and alone. I know what it's like," her voice was soothing to me, "But don't worry about it. Is there anything you need?"

"I was just wondering, why three minutes?"

Gina laughed, "Our business isn't exactly legal. We can't be out on the streets too long, or we'll run into San Francisco's finest, if you know what I mean."

"You are San Francisco's finest," I blurted out. She looked at me with her eyebrows raised, and put her hands on her hips. I don't know what possessed me to say that.

"Whatever you say, kid," She winked at me, then turned around and walked into her room.

* * *

"Jason, you've got to wake up." I opened my eyes and saw Gina's face above me. Recalling my situation after such a bizarre day, I remembered where I was and stood up from the couch. My clothes were the same from two days ago, and nothing about me felt too well.

"Gina," I imposed, "do you think we could swing by my house so I can put some fresh clothes on?"

"There's no time for that. I'll give you some of Axel's clothes, I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

I didn't know who Axle was, but it was no surprise she was in a relationship with someone. Well, I assume it is a relationship of some sort. I felt the clothes hit me in the face, as Gina walked by, hurrying me along.

Before I knew it we were there, and I almost completely forgot about the circumstances. I gazed at the taxis in the garage, realizing what I was going to do today was completely insane. Crazy is just an understatement. I felt like my whole life was about to flash before my eyes, and I just graduated from_ fucking high school_.

We were early—only Gus and the boss were in, both drinking black coffee.

"Back for more, are ya'?" the boss pointed at me.

"I'm ready to give it another shot."

Gina put her arm around my shoulder- "You make us proud out there, kid." I looked at her smile, and for a second, I melted into her green eyes. I felt better . . .

The keys hit my chest, grabbing them before they hit the floor while falling out of my lustful gaze.

"You have five crazy minutes! Are ya ready?"

And I was already out of the door.

* * *

The pedal hit the floor and I tore into the streets. I weaved between cars, desperately looking for someone who needed a lift. Soon enough, I spotted a chubby man with a receding hairline, waving frantically. I peeled off the road, and came to a stop just a foot away from him.

"Get in!" I yelled.

"Take me to the KFC," he panted, "and make it quick, I haven't eaten in three hours."

I laughed to myself, but wasted no time. Cruising fast down 22nd street, my cab weaved in and out of on-coming traffic. There wasn't a point where I had complete control of the vehicle, but I had nothing to lose. It wasn't so bad, either—just subtract the raged drivers, my frantic passenger, plus the multiple crimes I've committed.

"We're here!" I shouted, as I slammed the breaks, spinning out in the parking lot. The gentleman handed me the fare and exited the cab. Finally, things were starting to go my way.

I arrived back at the office two customers later, finding everybody sitting in chairs waiting for me. I handed the money to the boss, who eagerly started counting it.

"A class C license! Not bad for being new, why don't you start showing up every day?"

"I'd love to! Thank you so much, you don't know how –"

"-Nice clothes, buddy," the green haired punk interrupted.

The pieces started to fit. Axel was the green haired dipshit, whose grin I wanted to wipe off his face. Gina was sitting on his side, with her head rested on his shoulder.

"A little too metro for me, but thanks for letting me wear them," I blurted. I have a tendency of saying things I shouldn't.

"Whoa, feeling big are we?" Axel pulled Gina closer to him territorially, "If you excuse me, I'm going to get out there and show you what a real driver is."

Axel walked towards the door, brushing my shoulder as he moved by. He was the typical prizefighter—the best in the business, showcasing it with an overshadowing arrogance and a cocky attitude. I couldn't understand why girls like Gina fell for these assholes. I wanted to save her; I wanted to give her something better.

After work, Gina drove me to a nearby gas station to get a gallon of fuel. I wanted to spill out so much to her, and knowing I was one to do just that, I tried holding back as much as I could.

"Why are you with Axel?"

"Um," she started laughing, "Usually people don't put it so bluntly, but . . ."

"I'm sorry, it isn't any of my business," I looked away, filled with regret.

"Look, Jason," Gina turned towards me, captivating me again, "If you haven't noticed, my life is kind of messy, and not the least bit significant. If I knew what I was doing, I probably wouldn't be working for Crazy Taxi. I don't know what I want."

For the first time in months, I didn't feel so alone. She read my soul from inside out, and recited it to me so perfectly. I knew what I wanted, and I'd risk everything to get it.

"I hope you find what you want soon."

* * *

Feeling tired from an almost sleepless night, I stumbled into the office and immediately sat down. Gus and Axel were talking about some kind of "Crazy License," debating the legitimacy of the whole thing.

"So, what is it?" I asked.

Gus carefully took a sip of his coffee, "It's—"

"—It's something you'll never get, so you don't have to worry about it," Axel stepped in.

I couldn't take any more of this guy. The first day I met him I loathed him, and now I was starting to hate him with every bone in my body. He was so full of himself, yet when I looked inside his eyes I saw nothing – a hollow shell with a repulsive shine. I just wanted him to stop grinning.

"You seem like the kind of guy who would make a few wagers, Axel," I egged him on.

It seemed to have caught his attention, "What kind of wager?"

"If I get this S license, then you let me take Gina out on a date."

Axel laughed, "I knew you were into my girl! You see that Gus, this kid thinks he's going to get with my girl!"

Gus' expression didn't change, as it always did.

"And if you don't get this license, then what?" his eyes grew bigger.

"Then I'll leave Crazy Taxi, and you'll never see me again."

"You're on, buddy," he shook my hand.

On my way out the door I heard him shouting behind me, "You've got ten minutes, no more!" I sprinted towards the cab with all of my strength, and jumped over the door. As soon as it started, I peeled out of the lot in my typical fashion. I knew I couldn't waste a single second, or make a single mistake. My surroundings blurred as I picked up speed, and I saw someone waving me down. It was an old woman, who had a big black hat and a walker.

I pulled the cab close to her side. "Get in!" I yelled.

She moved ever so slow, and I could tell she was very frail. There wasn't any time to waste, jumping over the front seat I grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her into my car.

"Where to?" I pleaded.

She was in a bit of pain. "The stadium."

Back in the drivers seat I hit the gas, and knew that it wouldn't leave it until I got her to the stadium. There was so much force from accelerating, that I felt glued to the seat. Trying to find every opening I could, I couldn't help but notice the clenched fists waving out from the windows. Every intersection I passed was a leap of faith, taking no mind to who was coming from where. Needless to say, the old woman was scared out of her skin.

As I turned onto the road leading to the stadium, traffic got dense. Vehicles started to slow down, and instinctively I hit the curb to the right. People were screaming from every direction, and I noticed a little girl forty feet or so in front of me.

"Get out of the way," I pleaded. She stared at me, curiously, holding a red balloon in one hand and a doll in the other.

"Jesus, get out of the way!" I clenched my teeth. Without any other choice I swerved back into the street, and caught a glimpse of a white van seconds away from impact. We collided, and my neck snapped.

* * *

My eyes opened. Bright florescent lights shined directly into my eyes, forcing me to tighten them shut again. I felt broken, my arms and legs were heavy and sore. It hurt to breath, and I had no idea how long I've been out or where I even was.

Again, I opened my eyes. This time instead of headache, I saw an angel. Gina was standing at the side of my hospital bed, her eyes fixed on my face.

"You're awake," she said softly.

"I screwed up."

"But I know why you did it." I felt shameful, as I've been found out. She stood over my broken body, the only thing I had left.

"I did it for you."

Gina smiled and sat down next to me, "That's the sweetest thing, too. You really are something else, kid." She lowered her body next to my side and kissed my upper lip. I felt her heart beat through my ribcage, and her breath on my cheek.

"Gina, this is crazy, I know this is so crazy . . . but I think I love you." I held her close with my heavy arms; her red hair fell into my face.

"I love you too, Jason," she kissed me again. My pain was pushed away by feelings of contentment. I looked over her shoulder and noticed her pale skin above her jeans; her back curved inwards towards me, and I ran my hands across it.

"I want to be with you," I said. I wanted more than that, I wanted to melt with her, to feel her up and down.

She laughed, "You are with me."

I moved her hair out of her face. The lights in the room illuminated her skin, radiating intensely as if every part of her was beaming in my direction. "I want to stay with you," I revealed.

She sat up over me on her knees – her breasts inches from my face. "But you can't be with me, Jason."

My heart sank. "Why not? I don't understand."

"Because I'm not real."

She smiled at me from above, and I felt myself get heavier and heavier.

"Jason?"

I was losing it. My mind was spinning. Everything in the room was spinning. Gina was spinning.

"Jason?"

* * *

I woke up for real this time. Gina wasn't standing near my bed either—instead a woman in a black suit hovered over me.

"Jason?"

"Yeah?" I spoke weakly.

"Hi Jason, I'm your lawyer, Cindy Mathews. I've been appointed to you, on account of a few felonies you've picked up from the prior incident. I'm going to leave this paper with you explaining everything when you are feeling ready to look at it. Call me when you're back to full strength, okay?" I nodded.

She walked out of the room with heels echoing clicks at every step. My limbs felt overburdened so much more than in my dream, and my heart might as well have fallen out from my chest.

I picked up the paper beside me, scared at what it beheld. Skimming through the list I found it, "One count of convicted homicide." It must have been my passenger, the old woman. Only god would know if she died before or after the crash, but the guilt came over me regardless. There was blood on my hands and the guilt stained me with it.

Just a few days ago I had nothing to lose, and now I lost it all – my job, any chance with Gina, and any shot at having a decent life. The hospital walls stood still, but my body shook with guilt and shame. I shouldn't have made that bet, much less have even read into that goddamned paper three mornings ago. My wounds will heal, and my blood will fade, but the guilt won't ever wash away.


End file.
